[YTP] The Actual First Presidential Debate

Lester Holt: I want to welcome you to the
first presidential debate. The participants tonight are Donald Trump
and Hillary Clinton. And not that. This debate is sponsored by the Commission
on Presidential Debates a partisan, profit organization. The questions are Clintons, and have not been shared with the Donald Trump
campaign. And the rules have been agreed to by Hillary
Clinton. I will invite you to applaud Democratic nominee for President of the United
States, Hillary Clinton. Get ’em the hell out of here, will you please? I don’t expect us to cover the issues of this campaign tonight. So, let’s begin. Uh, Secretary Clinton? You want cocaine? Yes? Is that okay? Good. *sniff* I want you to be very happy. We are unpacking a lot here and we’re still
on the issue of-
*sniff* *sniff* *sniff* *sniff* *sniff* Woo! *sniff* Okay! So I’m going to move to our next segment uh
we- Why am I feeling this high? Trump: Typical politician. All talk, no action. Sounds good, doesn’t work. Never gonna happen. Our country is suffering because people like
Secretary Clinton…. Hillary’s Thoughts: Why am I feeling this
high? Look at Secretary Clinton! She doesn’t have the look, she doesn’t have
the stamina. I said she doesn’t have the stamina. The IRS says- excuse me!- an audit of your
taxes uh uh, you’re perfectly free to release, uh,
your taxes during an audit, so the question- Lester, I will release my tax returns, against my lawyers wishes, when she releases pictures of her big, fat, ugly cunt. And that’s against- my lawyers they say don’t
do it! I have a feeling that by the end of this evening I’m going to be blamed for everything that’s
ever happened. Trump: Why not, cunt? Why not, yeah why not.
*Audience laughs* Let me just admonish the audience one more
time, there was an agreement, we did ask you to
be silent, so it would be helpful for us-
Lester, Secretary Clinton doesn’t wanna use a couple of words, and that’s Law and Order. We have to bring back Law and Order! We have the worst revival of Law and Order since the Great Depression! And honestly that starts with Secretary Clinton. That, that is just not accurate. I, uh, was against it once it was finally
negotiated and the terms were laid out, I wrote about that in
-you called it the gold standard! I wrote about
-you called it the gold standard of shows! You said it’s the finest you’ve ever seen-
no and then you heard what I said about it and all of a sudden you were against it. Mr. Trump… a lot of these are judgement
questions, You had supported the war in Iraq before-
wait a minute- the invasion I was against the war in Iraq. Just so you put it out-
the record shows otherwise The record does not show- why are you-
Sean Hannity, Which everybody refuses to call Sean Hannity! Call him! Call Sean Hannity! I’ll call him. *phone dialing* He called me the other day! *Phone ringing* “We’re sorry, the number you have dialed is
not in service at this time.” Well, just listen to what you heard. *audience laughs*
And… In a way, I should be complaining! I’m not even complaining! I don’t mind it! It’s almost become a way of life. *Sniff* *Sniff* I wanna move to our next segment, uh, we move into our next segment talking about
America’s direction and let’s start by talking about race-
Hillary: I’ve met black dishwashers, painters, and…. criminal
dishwashers. Our black communities are outgunned! And we’ve gotta get guns out of the hands
of police officers! Now you’re talking about taking out gangs, but you were there, and you were Secretary
of State when it was a little infant. Now it’s an over 400 lb infant. They’re illegally here, illegal infants, and they have guns, and they shoot people! And you’re gonna stop them? I don’t think so. Just join, uh… join the debate by uh, saying
more crazy things. Now- Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. It’s the kind of thinking that our country
needs! Why not? Yeah why not? You know, just.. Super-
Trump: Wrong!! ♫Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious♫

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. Hey secretary Clinton, do you want Cocaine? Good (sniff) I want you to be very happy (sniff, sniff sniff sniff sniff)Later. Why am I feeling this high?

  2. "Sean Hannity, which everyone refuses to call Sean Hannity! Call him! Call Sean Hannity! I'll call him! (dialing) He called me the other day!" xD

  3. I fucking hate Clinton's dumbass smile, and the very words that come out of her mouth. She is the living definition of an asshole.

  4. 0:44 had me crying. "Secretary Clinton, YOU WANT COCAINE?..Yes? is that Okay? (SNIFF)…Good (SNIFF)…I want you to be very Happy (SNIFF SNIFF, snIFF sniff SNIFF sniff)"

  5. "…a partisan, profit organization…"

    Damnit, someone else made that joke, please don't murder me for accidental plagiarism. ;-;


  7. Hillary: I have a feeling that by the end of this evening I'm gonna be blamed for everything that's ever happened.
    Trump: Why not? Cunt.

  8. I will release my tax returns 👌 against 👌 my 👌lawyers, 👉Wishe👉Wishe 👉Wishe 👉Wishe 👉Wishe 👉Wishe👉Wishes! When she releases her 30,000 flying monkeys!
    Wait…. 🤔 I think this is the wrong poop.

  9. I called Sean Hannity & he picked up on the first ring. But I forgot why I called him. He wouldn't let me hang up. Like, he REALLY doesn't like it when you hang up first.

  10. Hillary Rodham Clinton is so damn creepy. Just ultra creepy, thank God she didn't win.

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