Third Democratic Primary Debate Set for Three Hours


-You guys,
coming into work today, I saw a bunch of paparazzi
outside, and I thought, “Well, you’ve still got it,
Jimmy.” And then I remembered my guest
tonight is Kim Kardashian West. So I go, “Okay, well…”
[ Cheers and applause ] I actually
ran into Kim backstage and asked if she would post a
picture of us on her Instagram. And she was like, “No problem.
That’ll be $2 million.” [ Laughter ] Let’s get to some news here. Tomorrow night is the third
Democratic debate on ABC. So, it’ll be “Jeopardy!”
and “Wheel of Fortune,” followed by a debate
full of people who watch “Jeopardy!”
and “Wheel of Fortune.” [ Laughter ] And tomorrow’s debate on ABC is scheduled
to be three hours long. [ Cheers ] Americans are like,
“Um, the only thing we’ll watch for three hours on ABC
is ‘The Bachelor’, okay?” [ Cheers and applause ] “We’ll watch four hours
of that one.” Right now, the candidates are
making their way to the debate, and I saw that Amy Klobuchar and Pete Buttigieg
were on the same flight. Look at this photo. Yeah.
[ Laughter ] It got weird when Bill de Blasio
walked by, like, “Peanuts? Headphones?”
[ Laughter ] Should be an interesting night,
though. The debate will actually feature
the top 10 Democrats, but there’s still
so many candidates, it could be hard to keep track.
-Uh, not really. It’s Biden, Booker, Buttigieg,
Castro, Harris, Klobuchar, O’Rourke, Sanders, Warren,
and Yang. -Wow. [ Cheers and applause ] Not everyone has the list
memorized like you, Tariq, so… -[ Laughing ] It’s not a matter
of memorizing, Jimmy. It’s a matter
of staying informed. It’s Biden, Booker, Buttigieg,
Castro, Harris, Klobuchar, O’Rourke, Sanders, Warren,
and Yang. [ Cheers ]
-Good one, guys. You both memorized the list
to make me look bad, but your average person
doesn’t know the whole list. And watch this. Miss, in the audience, can you name everyone
running for president? -Me?
-Yes, you. -Oh, God. I mean, uh, Biden and
Bernie and Elizabeth Warren? -[ Laughs ] See?
Told you guys. It’s not that easy.
-Well, there’s also Booker, Buttigieg, Castro, Harris,
Klobuchar, O’Rourke, and Yang. And de Blasio, Bullock, Bennet,
Gabbard, Messam, and Ryan are still running as well as Williamson, Steyer,
Sestak, Delaney, and three Republicans
named Walsh, Sanford, and Weld. [ Cheers and applause ] -Impressive. That’s impressive. But you’re obviously
an audience plant. -Oh, I-I’m not a plant.
-Well — -But he is. [ Laughter ] -Hey, Jimmy.
Yeah, the candidates are Biden, Booker, Buttigieg, Castro,
Harris, Klobuchar, O’Rourke… – All right, all right.
That’s enough! Let’s just move on!
Let’s move on. The plant knows everything.
Stop. Move on. [ Applause ] ‘Course, the other big story
is President Trump firing National Security Adviser
John Bolton. Some are saying that part of
the reason Trump fired Bolton is because
he never liked his mustache. [ Laughter ] I guess whatever animal
is on Bolton’s lip didn’t get along with whatever
animal is on Trump’s head. [ Laughter ]
[ Growling ] Actually, today, John Bolton’s
resignation letter was posted online.
Look at this. Yeah. I might be with Trump
on this one. Anyone who
folds a letter lengthwise should’ve been fired
a long time ago. Who does that? Speaking of Trump,
yesterday he gave a speech, but I saw that he had a little
trouble with the word “deserve.” Take a look at this. -You have never stopped working
to improve this country and you “deser” a government… [ Laughter ] -That didn’t sound
anything like “deserve.” -Yeah. -Maybe it would it help
if we slowed it down. Dave, could we slow it down
and see what that sounds like? -Improve this country
and you “deser” a government… [ Laughter ] -See, that made it worse. Maybe if we slowed it down
even more. -[ Slowly ]
“Deser” a government… -No, I can’t —
I can’t hear it. Oh, I have an idea. What if we played the clip
in reverse? -[ Audio in reverse ]
…deserve… -He said it!
Hey, he said it! He said it in reverse!
[ Cheers and applause ]

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. Jimmy has become sooo not funny with trying to bring politics into his show. Like what happened to the comedic relief late night show is supposed to give?!?

  2. Jimmy has a pretty bad case of dysphonia. He should really check out his vocal folds and do something about it. Breaks my heart when I hear him talk.

  3. More important questions about the debate:
    How high will the bidding war on money for the Green New Deal go?
    Who will tax millionaires and billionaires the most? 
    How many types of debt will they promise to wipe out?  How much free tuition will everyone get?
    Will Medicare for all cover illegals, dentures, union members and yoga classes?
    Will they pander to some interest groups by speaking in Spanish, offering reparations, or decrying "white privilege?"
    Will Buttigieg recall how he attacked the enemy on the computer?  Will Biden recall how he attacked the enemy in WWII?  Will Warren recall how she attacked Custer at Little Big Horn? Will O'Rourke recall how he led the attack on the Alamo?  Will Bernie recall how he was the first to attack Rockefeller and J.P Morgan?
    Stay tuned.

  4. Spartacus
    Fake-O-hontas
    Kama-l-toe
    Beto O'dork
    Looney Bernie
    Creepy Uncle Joe
    Buttplug
    It's a freaking circus! Awesome!

  5. jimmy please stop having kim k and her family on your show. they are famous for absolutely nothing. all the times you've had them on your show you could've actually had talented and hard working actors or musicians.

  6. I can’t stand when these rich assholes get paid to bring their propaganda into their stupid shows. I thought you were a late night show host Jimmy? You need to see a dr for your trump derangement syndrome if you truly believe the stupidity you spew to your audience. YOUR NOT FUNNY BY THE WAY 🙄

  7. Democrats would have nothing without poor people and wanna be victims. So what does that tell you people? They need more poor people and “supposed” victims! I also agree with the comment made before me that Democrats have not been this mad since the REPUBLICANS freed the slaves. You sick rich asshole. You know nothing about what real people of this country go through. Your a paid out shill. And so unfunny. I was only here for Kim K & that says a lot about you.

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