Kamala Harris Drops from Presidential Race


-Well, this is very exciting. Tomorrow is the lighting of the Rockefeller Center
Christmas tree. And this is a big deal.
[ Cheers and applause ] 20,000 people will be here, and they’re all going to be
thinking the same thing. “Don’t blink.” “I missed it!
I missed it again!” Seriously, everyone
around here is excited for the Rockefeller Center
Christmas tree lighting. I just saw a promo for the
big event, and it looks like they’ve got some very special
guests lined up. Take a look. -Tomorrow on NBC, it’s Christmas
at Rockefeller Center! More than 20,000 people
will be on hand, along with… The Radio City Rockettes…
Idina Menzel… A K-Pop boy band
that we tell you is famous, but we actually made up… a nativity scene
featuring Baby Yoda… 10 minutes of filthy stand-up
from Times Square Elmo… Hologram Tom Brokaw… Jane Fonda chained
to the stump of the tree… a chair from the “The Voice”… Destiny’s Child,
minus Beyoncé… plus Dr. Oz… and Mariah Carey’s music
being played from an Alexa. [ Laughter ] -That special looks good.
-Yeah. -I’d watch that. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Come on. -Well, earlier tonight,
NBC aired the holiday classic “How the Grinch
Stole Christmas.” But this is cool.
NBC updated it so that the Grinch tries stealing
Christmas with some help from Ukraine, and I thought
that was interesting. Oh, listen to this.
A new poll found that America’s favorite Christmas movie is… “Rudolph the
Red-Nosed Reindeer.” Yeah, while America’s
least favorite is still “Frosty the Yellow Snowman.” -Oh. Ohh!
-Oh, this is nice. Today is Giving Tuesday, where people are encouraged to
donate time, money, and goods. After hearing that,
tacos were like, “All right. You can have today
since it’s for a good cause, but next week, it’s back to us. Taco Tuesday, baby.” Everyone’s talking about this. There’s a big commercial
that you may have seen that’s causing some controversy where a husband gets his wife
a Peloton bike for Christmas? And she videotapes herself
for a year, like, working out. [ Laughter ] Yeah, that’s a great gift
for your wife. “Oh, thanks, honey.
I need to lose weight? That’s so nice of you
to point out. Thank you. Anything else I can do for you,
Mr. Perfect? Is there a treadmill or
stair climber in the next box? Maybe next year I’ll get some
lipo and some plastic surgery.” Let’s get to some news here. The big story is that
Senator Kamala Harris has dropped out of
the presidential race. Apparently this weekend,
Kamala saw Joe Biden bite his wife’s finger in public
and thought, “There’s no way
I can beat this guy.” Actually, Kamala broke the news
to her staff over the phone. Yeah, they had a feeling
she might be quitting when the caller I.D.
said “Cancun.” A lot of people were surprised
Kamala dropped out. Andrew Yang was like,
“How the hell did I last longer than Kamala Harris?
Oh, my gosh.” Yeah, now that Kamala is out
of the race, it looks like we’re one step closer
to President John Delaney. Um… [ Steve laughing ] Now that she dropped out,
Kamala said she’s looking forward to taking some time off
and maybe getting her hearing back after
standing next to Bernie Sanders at three debates. In other news, President Trump is currently in London
for a NATO summit. He loves it over there. Any time someone says,
“Cheerio,” he replies, “Honey Nut.” [ Laughter ] It’s actually pretty tense
over there, because Trump
is currently in a feud with French President
Emmanuel Macron. At a joint press conference, both leaders fought over
ISIS, Russia, and whether Peloton’s
new holiday ad is offensive. Yep, things are hostile
’cause France is now taxing major U.S. tech companies
like Facebook and Google. And then Trump responded
by banning “Ratatouille” from Disney Plus.
[ Laughter ] Yeah, things are really tense. Check out this photo from the
end of their press conference. Yeah.
If you really look at them, you can kind of tell
what they’re thinking. For example, Macron is thinking,
“I want to tell President Trump what he’s doing with NATO
is wrong.” If you look at Trump,
you can tell what he’s thinking. “I’m in London,
talking to France. I’m not wearing underpants.” [ Laughter ] Trump spoke to reporters
this morning and told them he doesn’t know Prince Andrew
even though several photos of the two of them exist
from multiple occasions. But Trump was like,
“Just ’cause I’m photographed with someone
doesn’t mean I know them. Take Eric, for example.” [ Laughter ] But this is nice.
Later in the day, Trump and Melania had tea with
Prince Charles and Camilla. Melania sipped her tea with
one finger out, like a royal… While Donald sipped his with
two hands, like Baby Yoda. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] [ Slurps ] Today the
House Intelligence Committee released its first official
report on impeachment. But before that, Republicans
issued their own report, and some people called it
a pre-buttal. A pre-buttal.
[ Laughter ] It sounds like something
you get before a colonoscopy. [ Laughter ] “It’s time for your pre-buttal.” And, finally,
here’s some festive news. Right now, police
are looking for a couple here in New York City
who were having sex on a subway platform
during rush hour. Talk about taking the “D” train. [ Rim shot ] [ Applause ] On the bright side,
their performance earned them 30 bucks in change.
-Oh, wow. [ Rim shot ] Unfortunately, let’s just say
he had an early arrival. Guys, we have a great show.

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. At first I wrote, “First, b*tches,” since I was excited I would have the first comment. But then, I finished the monologue and now have to update my caption: this dude’s a lamo.

  2. Kamala Harris: bashes and mocks Yang

    Yang: praises and says nothing but good things about Kamala

    Their actions show you who the better candidate for President of the US is.

  3. Youtube, Interview with Rabbi Abraham Finkelstein. < is full understanding of how the Talmud readers runs and owns the goi sheeple of the world.

  4. That's awesome. Drop out and never try again. We need someone genuine like Bernie. Or Warren or Yang. Not some pretend 'black' woman. She's certainly locked up plenty though when she was just 'doing her job'.

  5. My fav part of the updated Grinch special was when Boris Karloff said "They say his brain shrunk three times that day…"

  6. Kamala dropped out, and yet there's still three guys running who's pictures could be replaced by stock photos and even they wouldn't notice.

  7. Brits fekking hate Trump.

    We took to the streets again to protest his visit, included hundred of medical staff protesting (we do not want Boris fucking Johnson outsourcing or health service to bastard American companies, and we do not want to be forced to buy overpriced drugs from your Big Pharma.
    The concern here is that Boris will ‘bend over and spread’ for Trump, in order to get any trade deal.
    Both men are cut from the same cloth, I used to like Boris as Mayor of London, he was a great character and not in a position to di any great harm. But sonce 2016 he jumped on the Brexit bandwagon and since being Prime Minister (by defsult when May stepped down) he has proven to be a clone of Trump 🤬)

    But as usual, our protests really are something special!
    ‘Afterwards protestors returned to Trafalgar Square for a party staged by R3 Soundsystem, to include music from DJs including A Guy Called Gerald, Midland, Normski and Homobloc.’

    Class.

  8. Did you see the French President give a Harsh Reality Slap in the face to the Orange Orangutan Trump at the NATO summit? Did you see the video of Macron, Justin Treadue, Borris Johnson all standing around laughing AT the Liar in Chief during the Royal Reception?? What a fool that idiot President is!

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