Donald Trump vs. Hillary Clinton Third Debate Cold Open – SNL


♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>>GOOD EVENING.
GOOD EVENING. I’M CHRIS WALLACE.
AND WELCOME TO THE THIRD AND FINAL PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A LOT LIKE THE THIRD “LORD OF THE
RINGS” MOVIE. YOU DON’T REALLY WANT TO WATCH,
BUT HEY, YOU’VE COME THIS FAR. NOW LET’S WELCOME THE
CANDIDATES. DONALD J. TRUMP AND SECRETARY
HILLARY CLINTON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>HELLO, CHRIS. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
IN THE FIRST DEBATE, I SET THE TABLE.
IN THE SECOND DEBATE, I FIRED UP THE GRILL.
AND TONIGHT, I FEAST.>>CHRIS, I’M GOING TO START
THIS DEBATE IN THE QUIETEST VOICE POSSIBLE.
IN THE PAST, I HAVE BEEN BIG AND LOUD.
BUT TONIGHT, I AM A SWEET LITTLE BABY TRUMP.
>>THAT IS GOOD TO HEAR. OUR FIRST QUESTION IS FOR YOU
AND IT IS ABOUT REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS —
>>THEY’RE RIPPING BABIES OUT OF VAGINAS!
>>LISTEN, CHRIS. I’M GLAD YOU RAISED THIS TOPIC
BECAUSE WHAT TWO BETTER PEOPLE ARE THERE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN’S
ISSUES? ME, A WOMAN WHO HAS HAD A CHILD
AND HAS TAKEN BIRTH CONTROL. AND HIM, A MAN WHO IS A CHILD
AND WHOSE FACE IS BIRTH CONTROL. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>AND WE’RE OFF TO THE RACES.
LET’S TALK IMMIGRATION. MR. TRUMP, WHY ARE YOUR
IMMIGRATION POLICIES BETTER THAN SECRETARY CLINTON’S?
>>BECAUSE SHE WANTS OPEN BORDERS AND THAT IS CRAZY.
I MEAN, PEOPLE ARE JUST POURING INTO THIS COUNTRY FROM MEXICO
AND A LOT OF THEM ARE VERY BAD HOMBRES.
>>OH, BINGO, BINGO, I GOT BINGO!
[ LAUGHTER ] I’VE BEEN PLAYING ALL YEAR AND I
GOT IT. BAD HOMBRES, RAPISTS, MISS
PIGGY, THEY’RE ALL LIVING IN HELL, EXAMINE AND IF SHE WASN’T
MY DAUGHTER. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>CONGRATULATIONS, SECRETARY CLINTON.
MR. TRUMP, PLEASE CONTINUE.>>I HAVE A FANTASTIC
RELATIONSHIP WITH MEXICO. I HAVE PERSONALLY MET WITH THE
MEXICAN PRESIDENT, I FORGET HIS NAME, I THINK IT WAS SOMETHING
LIKE MR. GUACAMOLE. I’M SORRY, EXCUSE ME.
SENOR GUACAMOLE. I ALSO MET HEREWITH BEAUTIFUL
WIFE TEQUITA. AND THEIR TWIN CHILDREN CHIPS
AND SALSA.>>CHRIS, HERE IS THE TRUTH.
DONALD SAID HE WAS GOING TO BE TOUGH ON MEXICO, BUT WHEN HE MET
WITH THE PRESIDENT, HE CHOKED.>>WRONG.
TRADEMARKED.>>HE SAID HE’S GOING TO BE
TOUGH ON RUSSIA BUT HE’S BASICALLY PUTIN’S PUPPET.
>>LIAR, TRADEMARK.>>HE’S PROMISED TO ARE TOUGH ON
ISIS BUT HE’S NEVER EXPLAINED HOW.
>>THAT’S NOT EXACTLY TRUE. HIRES EXACTLY WHAT I’LL DO.
FIRST OFF SNIFF MOSUL IS SAD SNIFF AND WE’RE GOING AFTER
MOSUL BECAUSE ISIS IS IN MOSUL BUT SHE CREATED ISIS.
SNIFF IRAN SHOULD WRITE US A LETTER OF THANK YOU BECAUSE IRAN
IS TAKING IRAQ AND WE’RE GOING TO MOSUL AND IRAN’S GOING TO
WRITE US A LETTER OF LISTEN ALEPPO IS A DISASTER AND IRAN IS
IRAQ SNIFF AND ISIS –>>MR. TRUMP, WE HAVE TO MOVE
ON.>>OH THANK GOD.
[ LAUGHTER ] I DON’T KNOW IF YOU COULD TELL
BUT I WAS REALLY SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL.
>>SECRETARY CLINTON, NOW, I’D LIKE TO ASK YOU ABOUT AN ONGOING
ISSUE FOR YOUR CAMPAIGN. WIKILEAKS HAS BEEN RELEASING
YOUR CAMPAIGN E-MAILS, MANY OF WHICH RAISE SOME SERIOUS
QUESTIONS.>>THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP MY
E-MAILS, CHRIS. AND I’M VERY HAPPY TO CLARIFY
WHAT WAS IN SOME OF THEM. SORRY, WHAT, CAROL?
WHAT? I’M SORRY, I THOUGHT I HEARD MY
FRIEND CAROL. ANYWAY, BACK TO YOUR QUESTION
ABOUT THE WAY DONALD TREATS WOMEN.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THAT IS HOW YOU BY VOT.
PIVOT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>SO YOU’RE JUST NEVER GOING TO ANSWER A QUESTION ABOUT YOUR
E-MAILS.>>NO, BUT IT WAS VERY CUTE TO
WATCH YOU TRY.>>NOW MR. TRUMP, IN THE LAST
WEEK, 11 WOMEN ACCUSE YOU OF SEXUALLY ASSAULTING THEM.
DO YOU STILL DENY EACH OF THOSE CLAIMS?
>>CHRIS, OF COURSE I DO. I’M COMPLETELY INNOCENT.
I’VE SAID THIS BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN.
NOBODY HAS MORE RESPECT FOR WOMEN THAN I DO.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, SETTLE
DOWN. SETTLE DOWN, SETTLE DOWN, ENTIRE
PLANET, SETTLE DOWN. OUR NEXT QUESTION IS ABOUT THE
ECONOMY. MR. TRUMP, WHY ARE YOU BETTER
EQUIPPED THAN SECRETARY CLINTON TO FIX THE ECONOMY?
>>BECAUSE HILLARY HAS NO IDEA HOW TO FIX ANYTHING.
IF SHE DID SHE WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY.
I MEAN, WHAT HAS SHE BEEN DOING —
>>DONALD, NO, NO, DONALD, DON’T SET HER UP —
>>I’D BE HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT THE LAST 30 YEARS.
>>OH, NO. NOT AGAIN.
>>BACK IN THE 1970s, I WORKED FOR THE CHILDREN’S DEFENSE FUND.
>>YES, YES, WE KNOW.>>I WAS A SENATOR IN NEW YORK
ON 9/11.>>YEAH, WE GET IT.
>>AND I WAS SECRETARY OF STATE AND I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE HEARD
THIS BEFORE –>>WE HAVE.
>>BUT I WAS INSTRUMENTAL IN TAKING DOWN A MAN BY THE NAME
OF –>>OSAMA BIN LADEN.
>>OSAMA! BIN!
LADEN! [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]>>WE’RE ALL VERY PROUD OF YOUR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS, SECRETARY.>>CHRIS, SHE CAN BRAG ABOUT HER
RESUME BUT I’M THE ONE WHO’S GOT ALL THE HEAVY HITTERS SUPPORTING
ME. I MEAN, I HAVE GOT THE CREAM OF
THE CROP. I’VE GOT SARAH PALIN.
I’VE GOT CHACHI. GET THIS I’VE EVEN GOT THE BEST
BALDWIN BROTHER, STEPHEN BALDWIN.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>SECRETARY CLINTON. SECRETARY CLINTON, LET’S MOVE ON
TO ENTITLEMENTS. WILL YOU RAISE TAXES TO SAVE
PROGRAMS LIKE SOCIAL SECURITY AND MEDICARE?
>>YES, BUT ONLY ON THE VERY WEALTHY.
FOR EXAMPLE, MY CONTRIBUTIONS WILL GO UP AS WILL DONALD’S,
ASSUMING HE DOESN’T FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET OUT OF THAT —
>>SUCH A NASTY WOMAN.>>WHOA, WHOA, MR. TRUMP.
MR. TRUMP, THAT WAS INCREDIBLY RUDE TO SECRETARY CLINTON.
>>THANK YOU, CHRIS. THAT’S EXACTLY THE KIND OF
LANGUAGE THAT HAS POISONED AND DEBASED THIS ELECTION.
AND IF YOU AGREE, GO TO HILLARYCLINTON.COM AND BUY A
LIMITED EDITION NASTY WOMAN MUG. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>NOW WE HAVE TO TURN TO THE BIG STORY OF THE WEEK.
MR. TRUMP, IT HAS BECOME VERY CLEAR THAT YOU’RE PROBABLY GOING
TO LOSE.>>CORRECT.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>NOW, WHEN YOU DO, WILL YOU
ACCEPT THE RESULTS OF THE ELECTION?
>>I WILL LOOK AT IT AT THE TIME.
BECAUSE FRANKLY THIS WHOLE THING IS RIGGED.
EVEN THE MEDIA. EVERY DAY I TURN ON THE NEWS AND
ALL OF THE NEWSCASTERS ARE MAKING ME LOOK SO BAD.
>>AND HOW ARE WE DOING THAT?>>BY TAKING ALL OF THE THINGS I
SAY AND ALL OF THE THINGS I DO AND PUTTING THEM ON TV.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>DONALD, LISTEN, I’M TRYING TO
HELP YOU, BUDDY. SO REPEAT AFTER ME.
I, DONALD TRUMP –>>I, THE BEST-EVER DONALD
TRUMP.>>PROMISE TO ACCEPT —
>>PROMISE TO ACCEPT.>>THE RESULTS OF THIS ELECTION.
>>THE RESULTS OF THIS ELECTION. FY WIN.
GOT YOU, LOSER, TRADEMARK. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>CHRIS WHAT HE HAS JUST SAID IS HORRIFYING.
AND THAT’S WHY AMERICANS HAVE AN IMPORTANT DECISION TO MAKE.
BETWEEN THE TWO OF US, WHO DO YOU TRUST TO BE YOUR PRESIDENT?
THE REPUBLICAN OR DONALD TRUMP? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>THANK YOU, SECRETARY. NOW, WE ARE ALMOST OUT OF
TIME –>>WE ARE?
OH, NO. LET ME JUST MAKE SURE THAT I
SAID EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED TO SAY.
OKAY, I’M GOOD. I’M GOOD.
>>NOW BEFORE WE CONCLUDE, YOU EACH WILL HAVE ONE MINUTE FOR
YOUR CLOSING STATEMENTS. MR. TRUMP, WE’LL START WITH YOU.
>>THANK YOU, CHRIS. THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY
SUPPORTERS. BECAUSE OF YOU, I AM WINNING IN
EVERY SINGLE POLL TAKEN OUTSIDE OF A CRACKER BARREL.
>>SECRETARY CLINTON.>>LISTEN, AMERICA.
DONALD TRUMP CANNOT BE PRESIDENT.
HE WOULD BE A DISASTER. A FAILURE.
A COMPLETE “F.” AND AMERICA, YOU DESERVE BETTER
THAN AN “F.” SO ON NOVEMBER 8th, VOTE FOR ME
AND I PROMISE I WILL BE A STONE-COLD “B.”
[ LAUGHTER ]>>THEN ON NOVEMBER 9th, MAKE
SURE TO CHECK OUT TRUMP TV, YOU’RE GOING TO HATE IT.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. Pretty funny how big of a deal they made about him saying he wouldn’t accept the results of the elections. Meanwhile it’s 2019 and most on the left still have not accepted the results of the election.

  2. sadly none of the democrats accepted the results of the election and even tried some bullshit with spying on trumps campaign and russian collusion. T_T

  3. Yes Hillary was full of it also. But she would never put children in cages. She wouldn't let Steven Miller get within 20 yards of the EH. ever. Friggin evil

  4. Chris Wallace: "And how do they make you look bad?"
    Trump: "By taking everything I say, and everything I do, and putting it on TV."

    😂😂😂😂😂

  5. Trump 2020. Watching this in 2019 makes me laugh at how liberals were sure that Hilary was going to win. I can't wait til 2020 when the new compilations of liberals crying hits You-tube.

  6. 2019…and SNL is still crying in their liberal panties. Get ready for 2020 dems🤣🤣🤣!! God bless President Trump!!! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

  7. When the s#*t piles floating on the steaming bubbling putrid surface of the cesspool that is the whitehouse leave our capital, we have to all get together to repair the damage these political vandals have done. We must unite and bring this country back to the greatness it was before the corrupt tRump crime family(Jared, Jr, Ivanka), the racists, white supremacists(Stephen Miller), nazi scum(Gorka) and liars(Kellyanne Con Way) occupied it. These sycophants, apologists and enablers will all have to slither away to fox where all the putrid swamp sewage gets processed into pablum for consumption by the trumptards. They turn it into fox flavored Kool-Aid and the trumptards guzzle it down. But we must get the job done first. VOTE. No excuses. Even if you live in Dumb Don's home town where he lost to HRC bigly. Get out there on election day and prove to the world that this is not what we are. Vote the dirtbags out. Every filthy republitard has to go. Don't Boo. . .Vote Blue.

  8. Alec Baldwin owes Donald Trump a huge thanks. If it weren’t for Trump Baldwin would be doing infomercials. He owes what is left of his pathetic career to Trump. And that’s the truth.

  9. Donald Trump is a bullshit artist most people don't know that especially his followers like zombies of hate. 🇺🇸

  10. Donald Trump is a jackass he has respect for women what a dumbass.women do not respect men why in the f*** would a man respect a woman….. # suck it bitch lying whores….

  11. Everything about this skit is awesome. Trump keep his promises. Won the election. Made these liberal idiots eat all their lies.

  12. 7:30 mr. Trump will you accept the results of the election?
    It’s 2019, and Secretary Clinton has not yet accepted the results.

    Bwahahahahahahahahaha

    Who do you trust?

    Beahahahahahahahahaha

  13. AMERICA DEMOCRATS JUST CANNOT ACCEPT —- THEY LOST THE ELECTION DESPITE THE FRAUD ON THEIR FELLOW CANDIDATES —-

  14. SNL is not funny. Its a shit rag. Almost as disgusting as that fucking asshole Kimmel. I cant wait until I see that bastard in real life. I am going to smash his face and when he is laying on his back knocked out I will shit in his mouth! #MAGA #MAGA2020

  15. We were so innocent back then…still basking in the glow of the golden age of Obama….still naive enough to believe Russia wasn't interfering…still confident that the under educated wasn't stupid enough to believe his lies….still thinking we had put racism in the past. We had no idea the disaster that was coming our way.

  16. HR departments all over the USA screen and scan these cimments to base hiring decisions. You can count on it… and business groups. You fucking cowards.

  17. Watching this in Oct 2019……Trump still doesn’t need glasses because he already has 2020….and Hilary is still boo hooing.

  18. Alec Baldwin, an eternally unhappy drunk, arrested multiple times. What a loser.
    How ironic that this episode was back in 2016, when Dems SWORE the Hillary would win, BY A LANDSLIDE.

  19. Trump was right this thing was rigged to get him elected…I was hoping this was the one where Trump follower Hillary around on stage

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