A message from a Russian politician
Hello. I am Russian politician, very important, very high up in Kremlin. Andrew has very kindly invited me onto his channel to talk about tragedy poisoning of Comrade Skripal.
[MUFFLED SCREAMS] Is very unfortunate incident, and we were very sad to hear of cowardly attack
that we did not do on traitor Skripal, who hates his motherland and is a
despicable double-agent. [SPITS] Very sad. Is tragedy. British government say Kremlin
gave order to poison him, but this is not true: they have no evidence. So what if they find poison made only in Russia? Maybe killers buy it on Amazon. So what if traitor Russians who criticize Putin
die in unusual ways? Do you know how much polonium there is
lying around on streets of London? Or how many drunk people punch themselves in face
in Washington hotel rooms? Maybe is something in water.
Maybe is weather, who knows? So I am here to tell you that Russians did not poison old spy
hated by Russians with Russian poison. Why would Russians do this? This is clearly false flag. It is British: they make poison made only by Russians
in factory outside of Moscow, in order to make Russians look bad. Is revenge for these Russian oligarchs who buy Chelsea Football Club
and nice houses in London, and do not give British government
billions of roubles in bribes. No bribes! Look, see, I prove it! Is blank, see? So I think it is clear the British are too stupid. Their detectives are stupid,
like stupid Inspector Clouseau; not clever, like clever Russian detectives, who do not get killed because they know only people who
hate Putin are criminals. So, let me make this very clear. Only government who hates Russia can poison
man who hates Russia with Russian chemical. How can you idiots not see this? Finally, to all Russian spies, I give this advice: England is very dangerous place for people who
defect because they hate the motherland. I don’t know why, but,
you know, English food maybe. So maybe do not defect, is probably best. But if you struggle with unpatriotic thoughts, do not worry: we are here to help. Just report to Room 101 with list of your phobias, and everything will be fine
and you and your children will not die. OK, we finish? Good. So, I edit and upload,
and then we untie Andrew. And please also wash floor:
the bloodstains, they look bad.